In response to the growing number of outburst, U.S. Olympic governing bodies are developing more refined punishment matrixes. U.S. Soccer has been notable on this front. These steps are necessary as they spell out in great detail the penalties coaches can expect in response to specific negative behaviors.

There are also programs that aim to apply to our better natures. These tend to come down to signs posted at venues -- RESPECT, BE CIVIL, PUT ON A WHISTLE -- and pledges to be a good citizen during games. Most remind people that without referees, umpires or other sports officials, there would be no games.

Other efforts, outside of the purview of the national, regional or local governing bodies, created by people advocating for sports officials, promise to expose these negative behaviors on social media platforms and threaten to contact employers if coaches who acts out negatively in public hold jobs working with children.  One promises to pay $100 for videos they publish that captures verbal and/or physical attacks on officials.

Still, everything we have tried to rein in this destructive behavior has failed to address the issue.

We know these things don't work based on news reports, viral videos, and the everyday experiences we have when we go to youth sporting events. 

Why don't punishments system work? Why don't reminder programs work? And, the most important question, what will work?

Research from Yale School of Medicine may hold the answers to all of those questions. The research includes a discovery that we, humans, have a neurological response to the feelings associated with a bad call going against our team or favorite player. It can be summed up in two words -- revenge craving. 

The research presented in a book, THE SCIENCE OF REVENGE, by Yale University's James Kimmel, Jr., JD, tells us why some people seemingly go crazy when an umpire, referee or other sports official makes a call that goes against their team and it presents a possible way out of this cultural nightmare. 

Humans are hardwired to seek revenge to settle a grievance. The most successful early humans benefited from this type of retaliatory behavior -- you attack mine, I'll attack yours. Those predisposed to over-the-top retaliatory behaviors ("You attack mine, I'll KILL you...and yours!") were more likely to pass on their genes and, therefore, the neurological mechanism that supported an animalistic response. That response system is still with us today. It is what we see in road rage incidents -- and when coaches attack officials at youth sporting events.

If you're a coach having trouble restraining yourself during contests, chances are you're here because you're seeking help to change your ways and break your revenge addiction.

GOOD NEWS

Dr. Kimmel's research on revenge gives us an understanding of why punishments and reminders-to-be-civil programs don't prevent animalistic revenge behaviors. It also presents us with a specific technique to treat and rehabilitate those with self destructive responses to feelings of being mistreated or disrespected when they feel that the official has made a bad call.  It may sound quaint but, it's also in our biology, and it's called forgiveness. 

Brain studies show than by simply imagining forgiveness, the brain’s pain network is shut down, ending the pain of the bad call. Forgiveness also shuts down the brain circuitry of reward and pleasure, ending revenge cravings and a coach's desire to punish the ref. Forgiveness also reactivate the executive function of the coach's brain, turns on self-control and decision making circuitry, and allows coaches to make good decisions. In other words, if coaches forgive the ref, the pain associated with bad call ends along with the conflict and the danger of it escalating. This is all in the coach's self interest as it eliminates the negative consequences of revenge behaviors and allows the coach to get back to coaching and winning the game!

Coaches have a lot to do and getting angry about bad calls gets in the way of every single one of them (and doesn't improve the officiating). The coach needs to be assessing how well the players are executing the game plan and assessing individual player performance so the coach can determine how then can prepare the player(s) to do better next time or whether to demote Player X and promote Player Y. The coach should also be evaluating the other team so they can better prepare their team for future games against the same team or ones with a similar playing style. Coaches also need to make smart in-game adjustments. Coaches have a ton to do and revenge behaviors are not on the list. 

Even if by every objective measure, an umpire or referee has absolutely made a bad call, yelling and screaming isn't going to change it. Forgiveness is the only solution that provides a measurable neurological response that benefits the coach, the team, the players, and the fans. Oh, and also the officials.

A virtuous cycle of forgiveness can eliminate a coach's revenge addiction.

Forgiveness is modern-day counterprogramming to the revenge system that helped us in our ancient history. Forgiveness works like taking a medication for substance abuse. Once coaches master giving forgiveness, it isn't hard, coaches have more game time to concentrate on the things that will make themselves, their teams, and their players successful.

MORE GOOD NEWS

Coaches can begin mastering forgiveness while, after the game, they do something that services their revenge addiction but without any negative consequences. 

Rather than taking an umpire or sports official to court on the playing field, take them to Dr. Kimmel's virtual courthouse and put them on trial.  It's called Miracle Court. There are no lawyers to pay, no inconveniences to endure, and no hidden fees to surprise you. It's completely free to use as many times as you need.

And, here's the even better news. The Yale School of Medicine research found that when you put your grievance (in your case an umpire's or referee's "bad" call) on trial in Miracle Court, you can get the same neurological benefit as you would if you had yelled or screamed about a call during the game but, obviously, without any of the negative consequences of engaging in self destructive conduct in public.  

Miracle Court provides the courtroom, you play all the other roles -- victim, prosecutor, defendant, judge, and jury. 

https://court.forgivetheref.com/

To quote Dr. Kimmel, "Neuroscience tells us that when you forgive, the pain circuitry inside your brain becomes quiet, the craving circuitry of revenge becomes quiet, and your self control circuitry activates. Everything is calm and still. You feel relief."

Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It involves acknowledging the injustice of the bad call, recognizing your anger but not acting on your desire to retaliate, and -- importantly -- extending compassion. It's not about forgetting or agreeing with the call but it is about choosing to move forward and forgiving the official. 

Steps to Forgiveness

• Imagine how you would feel if you simply forgave the bad call. This is something you can do before your game starts -- imagine what you think would be the worst possible bad call that goes against your player or your team, and then, just imagine that you've forgiven the bad call. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine forgiving the call. 

• Recognize and accept your pain and anger about the call. It might help to develop a habit of doing a private physical response such as taking a long slow breath commensurate with the pain you feel or perhaps making an extremely quite sound mimicking the one you might make if punched in the stomach.

• Try to understand the official's perspective. Go out of your way to find a reason that they saw things differently than you -- did they literally have a different view of the call? ...might they have blocked out? ...might they have been looking at some other action that captured their attention? ...might they have simply made a mistake? ...are they inexperienced?

• Make a conscious decision to let go of your resentment and anger. By this time the game has likely moved on to the next play and you have more important things to focus on.

• Direct your energy towards moving forward with the demands of the game that's in front of you rather than dwelling on the past.

• Forgive the official -- in your mind -- for whatever the call was with which you disagreed. It might help you solidify the forgiveness with a physical acknowledgement such as nodding to yourself.

Keep in mind that most official organizations at the local and national levels welcome information that will give them the opportunity to improve the quality of their officials. After you have completed the forgiveness process, you will be able to submit an objective post game report to the appropriate governing body. If you feel it will help improve the officiating in your sport, this is important to do.

You're a vibrant, passionate member of your sports community. It's not too late to turn things around and bring your best self to every competition. Lean on Miracle Court to help you break away from public displays of revenge. Decide to forgive injustices from the bad calls that the officials make against you, your team or players and complete the forgiveness process.  It's better for you, your sport, and everyone else.

For more details, please get a copy of The Science of Revenge: : Understanding the World's Deadliest Addiction--and How to Overcome It. The book is available in hardcover, for Kindle, and as an audiobook. You can read a sample and listen to an audio sample on Amazon. 

https://www.amazon.com/Science-Revenge-Understanding-Deadliest-Addiction/dp/0593796519/ 

These recommendations from ForgiveTheRef.com aren't being made for any financial gain. ForgiveTheRef.com receives no compensation from your use of Miracle Court or purchase of The Science of Revenge. 

We would especially like to hear from you if ForgiveTheRef.com helped you or anyone on your coaching staff. All inquiries are welcome and kept in confidence.  Please click here to contact us.